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-Trade Pact Universe quote: "Terk shifted, apparently uncomfortable with so much happiness in one room."-

I had another of those frustrating mornings where I know my dream was very involving, but can't remember a speck of it. This one was worse than most -- I am POSITIVE I'm forgetting something good. Ah well. Since I have less to say about the dream, I suppose I'll mention what techniques I've been using recently. I'm not drinking as much milk as I usually do, since the jugs seem to run out at the oddest (not to mention most inconvenient) times. However, I am having an ice-cold travel mug of water before bed... though nixing the exercise thing for now since the Great Domesticated Desert of Doom^TM is having a series of particularly sweltery nights.

I remain particularly tickled with the Passively Multiplayer Online Game. However, I have noticed through my web travels (which are considerably more interesting when I stumble across another PMOGer's Mission) that the beginner's guides to the game are singularly lacking in useful information. So, I will attempt to bang together a passive strategy guide to fill this lack.

The Shoat's Guide to PMOG

Chapter One: Getting PMOG

You will need either Firefox or Flock (Internet Explorer, sadly, will not do) to play PMOG, for the simple reason that PMOG exists as an extension of those browsers. Don't get the extension just yet; sign up at http://pmog.com first, and it should prompt you with the latest version.

(NOTE: for those -- like me -- who are paranoid about downloading nasties, know that the PMOG extension is on download.com, and thus "Safe, Tested, and Spyware Free!")

So set up your profile (default privacy settings hide everything except your username and motto), then download the latest PMOG toolbar. Restart your browser, then click PMOG Sign In > Login > New Login on the new toolbar. If you can't see the toolbar, click the ornate P on the bottom right of the window, and it should unhide it. You will probably notice that all your supplies have gaping 0's in front of them. Awwww. Don't worry, Shoat, this will soon be remedied.

You should now be taken to the main page of PMOG. Proceed directly to your profile (click on your username near the top of the screen) and there should be a starter crate of goodies from PMOG. Click to loot the crate, and wait for it to display its contents, which will be added to your supplies. The first order of business is to click on the Armor button on the toolbar, turning it from off to on. It is generally considered in poor taste to St. Nick shoats (more on that tool later), but Mines can hit anyone, since they are generally tied to a location on the internet and not a person.

You can now experiment a little with your tools, just remember to keep your Armor on -- it will go off if it gets hit by 3 mines, so not likely -- and not spend too much of your wealth in tools and Datapoints (money) just yet.

Chapter Two: Shoat Strategy

There are two paths for you in PMOG. There's the obvious Passive path, where you go about normal browsing, getting hit by the occasional Mine and finding the odd Crate, Mission, or Portal, and then there's the Active path, where you set a goal (I want a Benefactor association, say) and try to force your way to it. Predictably, perhaps, you'll get more long-term enjoyment from the Passive path. However, right now I'll cover some pointers on the Active path.

ASSOCIATIONS
Right now, O Shoat, you are probably in levels 1-4, where associations are nonexistent or tenuous. This is a good thing for you, since it allows you to buy anything you can afford from the Shoppe (click on the Datapoint button to go there). At level 5 and above, you can only buy tools that match your associations, so if you are, say, Benefactor-Vigilante-Bedouin, you may only buy Crates, St. Nicks, and Armor. Associations are never permanent, however, you can change them by your use of the tool corresponding to that association. Before level 5, don't worry about your association too much, just save up on supplies and keep your Armor on. Past that, you'll be glad you saved up on supplies because that will allow you to change your association as needed to buy more stuff. For instance, you may have a good wad of cash that you want to spend on Mines. But if you don't have a Destroyer association (past level 5) you can't buy them at the Shoppe. So, you can either go to the trading forum and pawn some of your other stuff, or just use a lot of your Mines, without touching the other tools. This will increase your Destroyer association the next time your stats are updated (this can take from one day to three) and you can buy the Mines you need.

A few things to keep in mind, when stocking up supplies.

Portals are EXPENSIVE, but you only need a couple of them unless you want Seer to always be your main association. Personally, I don't use them at all, but I figure someone might want to trade for them, and as previously mentioned, they're worth plenty DP.

Lightposts seem like something you'll only need a few of... you're not making Missions every day or anything... but when you use them, you'll find you need TONS of them at a time.

Crates are something you'll probably use frequently, but they're cheap and, annoyingly, one of the most popular items to put in Crates -- this has something to do with the Benefactor ethos, but I'm not sure what. So don't worry too much about these; keep a modest stash of 5 or more and you'll have enough.

Armor is deceptively slow to wear out. Ten pieces of Armor may last you a couple weeks. Unfortunately, Bedouin association is hard to get since it's a matter of finding Mines and exploding them against your Armor before someone else does... and there is heavy competition. On the bright side, your associations will tend to default to some combination of Benefactor, Vigilante, and Bedouin if you don't use tools at all for a few days. But nonetheless, keep a good supply of that Armor!

Mines you will need a lot of to get any satisfaction. You will find that once you're past the Shoat stage where everyone's nice to you, they will St. Nick you into oblivion every time you lay a Mine. This is of course rather annoying since it means you'll probably spend 5 St. Nicked Mines before you can get one that actually lays on the page. In addition, most people are always wearing Armor, so the chances of actually inflicting damage with a Mine are minimal. On the other hand, Mines ARE awfully fun ways of marking out pages you loathe.

Finally, St. Nicks. Vigilante association is definitely fun, although you will face some frustration when you try to St. Nick someone only to find that they already have the maximum 5 Nicks attached. I like to watch the Activity Log (from pmog.com just click on the ornate P near the top of the page) and look for someone who lays a lot of Mines, or someone who's recently set off a St. Nick, thus hinting they may have a space available for another. These are straightforward tools, so keep a good stock of them but not excessive. Unlike Mines, they can't be defused.

TOOLS
I've already discussed them, O Tasty Bacon.

MISSIONS
If you're really desperate for DP, I might advise taking a Mission from Mission Central (accessible from the left PMOG button on your toolbar). Otherwise, it really is more fun to turn your content filter up to 4 stars -- you can find this in the normal taskbar under Options > PMOG -- and just browse sites as you normally would. Thus, when you stumble upon a mission, it ALREADY includes a site that interests you, and probably will be more of the same. There is a delicious serendipity in this method.

ALLIES & RIVALS
PMOG at its kooky best. Don't worry about actually getting to know people before adding them as an Ally or Rival, just choose a silly arbitrary reason, and inform them of that reason with an IM. I know, I know, messages cost a whopping 1 DP. Fine. Only do it if you're making an ally.

And don't hesitate at all to make Rivals, they won't take it personally -- feel free to add ME as a Rival if you want. It merely makes the game more fun by giving both of you an excuse to Mine and St. Nick each other on a whim (which, I might add, is actually useful if you're trying for a Bedouin association -- Rivals can be allies in disguise).


THE END? Perhaps I will add more tips as I discover them.

Reality check. I am a nerd.