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-Flash drive quote: "1 GB mini"-

Ah, interesting dream last night. Well, actually quite boring, but it did touch on some themes that are on my mind a lot, such as 1) grandparents and 2) my mother's pineapple allergy. Have I mentioned my mom is allergic to fresh pineapple (canned is fine)? It's definitely one of the weirdest allergies I've ever heard of. And it's not just, oh, she gets an itchy mouth when she eats it but ACKKKKK ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK!!!!!!!!!! It fairly well traumatized me when I was young, since nobody thinks to label food for fresh pineapple (like they do for peanuts), or make sure that none of the pineapple juice spills onto other dishes. I would nearly die every time we visited a Hawaiian restaurant, and even now the smell of fresh pineapple gives me a huge shot of adrenaline. The worst was one time when I was flying on an airplane with her, and the fruits they served with the meal included fresh pineapple -- and I knew that if she even ate the fruit touching that pineapple... well, we were flying over the ocean, and who knew how long real medical help would take? Anyway, in the dream, I was trying to convince her to get an EpiPen (that's this little pocket epinephrine injector that slows allergic reactions so the medics get to you badly swollen instead of dead).

After that cheery opening... I will share what is, in my opinion, one of the most freakishly ugly things on the planet:

Tween Girls Wearing Makeup

Ignoring the Are Our Children Losing Their Innocence? angle, well, look at them! A tiny, still slightly cherubic face, rimmed in ponytails, voice pouring out in still-high-pitched exuberance... wide eyes rimmed in overapplied, cakey mascara. The first problem is that these children seem utterly oblivious to the fact that the makeup does not make them look older. Where in the world did they pick that up? But it is obvious to the onlooker that they THINK people think they look older, which is just painful. Second, there's the flagrant lack of skill in application -- probably because they originally taught it to themselves, or are just over-energetic to begin with (think of how middle schoolers tend to glue things together -- i.e. piles of projects tend to adhere to one another as the copious white ooze of Elmer's glue seeps out in all directions). This results in that yucky scaly look as their foundation slowly drys and cracks like so much swamp mud, and their eyelashes gradually molt each giant black particle entombing them.

Furthermore, the most obvious point. They have perfect skin and cannot, therefore, possibly need makeup. So any tiniest sight of the gloppy mess is unallayed by thoughts of "necessity" (not that most adult women need the stuff either, but they never seem to learn).

Reality check. Sometimes middle schoolers need them.